I mowed the yard today for the second time in my entire life. I figured out a couple of weeks ago how many calories it burned, and man, I was so on it. Today was the first day that I was able to get out there with Sarge and mow. Here's what I observed:
1. You earn every one of those darn calories. Every. One.
2. My yard has a hill. All these years I've lived here, I've always thought of my yard as flat. I'm here to tell you today that there's a huge hill back there in poo corner. HUGE.
3. No matter how well you think you do cleaning up poo corner, you always miss one. Or two.
4. I know why Sarge has a yard mowing pair of shoes. See #3.
5. I will never laugh at Sarge again for hitting the bird houses with his head every week. I swear, every time I cut his hair, he has a new gash in the top of his head from those things. I laugh and make fun of him, because, you know, haven't they been there for three years, in the same places? I managed to hit all three of them.
6. It's time for a mower redesign. I swear, it's the same design my dad used back when he used to mow the yard a LONG time ago. Push the button, pull the cord. Pull the cord again. Pull. Say a curse word. Pull twice more and go. And then the handle and the fence and the four fixed wheels, it's all just so awkward. MR. DYSON, I'M TALKING TO YOU AND YOUR BALL TECHNOLOGY.
7. Next time I'm totally going for a cool design in my grass like the baseball fields. Sarge says that I should just aim for straight lines, but I say shoot for the stars!
8. I smell like gasoline and grass. And I itch.