Friday, September 5, 2008

Missing them.

I miss my children.

Yes, they are all here. Sleeping soundly, in fact, something that I should be doing, also, but this thought keeps entering my head. I just miss them.

Each morning, we wake up before seven, they dress, eat breakfast, pack lunches and I walk them to school. I have seven glorious hours that fly by before I can get done even half the things I think I should while they're gone.

As soon as they come home from school, they have a snack, do their homework, play for about seven minutes, until it's time to eat a light dinner, get dressed for practice and then off we go. As soon as we get done, it's bath, stories and bedtime.

I feel like every time I speak to my children, I'm directing them to their next step. We're not spending time just being. We are going and doing, and even when we're not doing at the moment, I'm contemplating the time, how much time we have, how much time we need and how I'm going to get them to do the next thing on our agenda.

I'm just not an agenda gal. My pediatrician used to ask me how often my newborns ate. I never knew - I just fed them when they were hungry. He asked how long they nursed. I never knew - they stopped when they were done. I quit wearing a watch when my first child was born, because I thought it wasn't comfortable when I was snuggling his soft little head. I've never worn one since.

I miss listening to them play, having casual conversations with them about things that are important to them, not just demanding they list the things that they did at school all day and directing them to their next step. I'll be glad when football season is over, though I'm pretty sure we'll just be heading on to the next sport. I just want my children and our non-schedule schedule back.

I hope I don't have to wait until summer.

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