Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Confessions

Since I've been a terrible blogger of late, and I now need to pay my father for his Network Administrator services in blog posts, I really need to get cracking, as I think I must owe him at least twelve.

I suppose that should be my first confession. My father is my computer-go-to-guy. How embarassing is that for a thirty three year old woman? And sadly, once he becomes obsolete, er, I mean, IF he becomes obsolete, then my kids will be my computer go-to people. I hope. Because otherwise I'm hopeless.

But this leads me to my next confession. When I was in college, in the mid-nineties, I thought the internet was dumb, a passing phase, a silly thing my roommates wasted their time on, that I couldn't be bothered with. This from a girl who's sister invented internet dating. We had this cute service at our house! It was called Prodigy! We could communicate with other people over the phone line! My sister met a cute boy from across town! They dated! They broke up! THIS WAS THE BEGINNING OF THE INTERNET AND I WAS A PART OF IT. AND TOTALLY MISSED IT. Please, don't ask me to forecast the companies of the future - tempting, I know.

And this, leads me to my next bit of breathtaking stupidity. People would always make the comment "The days are getting longer" or "The days are getting shorter" Hmm. I always thought they were all twenty-four hours? The clocks - how do they know? Even the cheap ones know to shorten the seconds and minutes? Weird! The most embarassing part? I was in college before I figured it out. Don't tell my children, they still think I'm smart-ish.

And then, because you've had enough of my complete idiocy, a bit of an idiosyncracy. Well, issues. It's toothpaste. The lid must go on after use. I can't use a tube of toothpaste that's all sticky and has globbed up toothpaste all over it. I'm actually not anal about much, but if my husband refused to cooperate with this one, he'd totally have his own tube that I would refuse to use. I'd rather clean toilets with my eyelashes than touch a tube of globby toothpaste. Well, maybe not, but you get the idea. Let's say it together - ISSUES.

And then last, a problem. A rather large problem. I can't eat around old people. I don't know where this one came from - maybe from all that volunteering I did as a teenager feeding cauliflower puree to old people who smelled like week-old pee and bingo cards, but I just can't do it. Bigotry? Ageism? I don't know, but maybe it will be my next diet secret.

So there. Most of my deep dark secrets and admissions of idiocy and discrimination, all in one post. And all thanks to my dad for getting my internet connection back up and running. I'm not sure that we have much to thank him for, after this bit of frightening-ness, do we?

2 comments:

green.barn said...

If Dad and I came to visit you, would it help your diet?

#2 said...

No you aren't old enough. And Dad doesn't have enough ear hair. And your dentures don't click when you eat. YET.