Wednesday, May 2, 2007

"we need to meet about your child"

Ever heard those words? Oh, how they struck my heart in such a way that all sorts of horrible things pass through my head.

"ma'am, I think your son is going to be a serial killer"

"ma'am, I think we need to talk about alternative schooling for your children"

"ma'am, let's talk about medication."

Seriously, these were all thoughts that I considered were going to be the opening of the conversation that the school counselor called me to. The thing was, she scheduled the meeting for a week away, then rescheduled for another week later. She should know not to do that to a horribly paranoid mother -- I had two weeks to imagine what we were going to meet about! I entertained all sorts of horror about that meeting, figuring that if I prepared myself for the worst, then I would be ready for whatever she threw at me.

I was in no way prepared for what she said to me.

"I think you might be pushing your son too hard, academically"

But, not knowing what she was going to say at the first of the meeting, and my nervous diarreah of the mouth got ahold of me, I started patting myself on the back to her "Yes, we've actually really been working hard at actually doing our homework this year, and actually turning it in." "I know, aren't I such a great mom this year? because last year we never did homework. At all."

When she told me why she wanted to meet, I thought I was going to fall off my chair. But then I wanted to ask her if we were talking about the same child. And then, I wanted to laugh my head off. "Ummm, ma'am, I cannot stop this child from learning. He soaks in every bit of information that passes in front of him. He taught himself to read - I had absolutely nothing to do with it. I can't take credit for a moment of it. I answer his questions - he asks, I answer. I provide books, he reads what he chooses. He's never seen a flash card. I promise."

I spent the rest of the meeting backpedalling, trying to prove to her what a horrible mother I really am, how I have nothing to do with the child's incredible base of knowledge. I was NOT expecting to be touting what a great a slacker I am.

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